


Keep Calm and GO FISH

by Hyululu



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Gen, Go Fish, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, I apologize for nothing, Nobody Is In Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 03:38:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7250458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyululu/pseuds/Hyululu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>drunkwriting tumblr prompt!<br/>[Tumblr fellow] asked: The villains of Doctor Who playing a card game(poker, go fish, old maid, ect.) complaining about the Doctor and how he continually thwarts their plans... Maybe have whichever Doctor you want show up at the end and crash the party? Try and keep it silly?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep Calm and GO FISH

“Have yoooou…. got any fours?”  The Master peered over his hand of cards suspiciously, eyeing the poker-faces of his rivals. He _knew_  one of them had a four. He could see it. He could _smell_  it. It had a distinct ‘four’ smell, and by the powers, it was going to be his.

“NO FOURS DETECTED,” said the Dalek.

“Hsssss,” Hissed Prisoner Zero

The Weeping Angel said nothing, and did not move. But when the Master looked away from the group for a second, and back again, there was a four on the tabletop in front of him. With a self-satisfied grin the Master took his set of fours and placed them to the side.

“One more set and I’ll win, you know. Again. Because I’m a winner. I’m good at winning.”

“Sssaysss the Timelord,” Hissed Prisoner Zero, “Who ssstill hasssn’t killed the Doctor.“

"Look who’s talking,” retorted the Master.

“WE DEMAND YOUR NINES,” the Dalek interjected, obviously quite agitated at the mention of the Doctor. “SURRENDER THEM. SURRENDER THEM!“

"None.” From the Master.

“Sssorry,” Prisoner Zero.

The Weeping Angel gave up none of its cards this time, but it did have a scowl on its face.

“NINES.” The Dalek demanded again. “NIIIIINES!“ It rocked in place furiously.

"Ssstuff it.” Prisoner Zero used its tail to thwack the Dalek upside its metal dome. “It’sss no wonder the Doctor can’t ssstand your kind. Ssso demanding, alwaysss.“

"Oh, you think he likes you any better?” The Master began rifling through the pile of cards at the center of the table, looking for the ones he needed. Clearly the game wasn’t interesting enough for him. “With your hissing and pointy teeth, trying to eat ginger children all the time. Pfft.“

"Clearly none of usss are hisss ‘type’.”

“CHEATING. EXTERMINATE.”

“No,” the Master conceded, ignoring the Dalek’s protesting. “He’s kind of a lout that way. I mean, can we help it that we’re evil? No. Is it our fault we want to destroy things? No!“

Prisoner Zero shook its head sadly.  "He sssimply misssundersssstandsss usss. We only want to be noticccced.”

The Master nodded, and the Dalek lifted its eyestalk in agreement. The whole group turned to look at the Weeping Angel, who had its face buried in its hands. Weeping apparently, at the truth of it all.

The master arranged all his stolen cards on the table and scowled.  "We should prank call him, and tell him he’s a linear progression of static events with no determinable beginning or end. _That_  would show him.“

"Your  _mum’s_  a linear progression of static events.” Said a voice from across the room. The whole lot of them turned to find that the Doctor was there, leaning casually in the doorway of their secret villain fort, hands in his pockets and a grin on his face.

“EXTERMINATE,” shrieked the Dalek, tossing its cards in the air.

The Weeping Angel, when next anybody looked, was hiding under the table.

“You!” The Master pointed furiously. “You can’t come in here! You’re not allowed!“

"Well,” said the Doctor, “You should have told me that _before_  I got in, then. Too late now, already here. Not leaving.“

"FFFFFF,” said the Master.

If anything, the Doctor seemed very pleased at having caused such an upset.  "Do you really all get together over cards and just spend the day bickering about me?“

“ _No._ ” Denied the Master, and the Dalek, and Prisoner Zero all in unison.

“Oh, don’t be all bashful~ I heard _everything._ It’s really flattering. Look how flattered I am.”  The Doctor made a generalized sort of hand motion, meant to reveal his apparent flatterment. The group was unimpressed. Prisoner Zero stuck its tongue out at him.

“Anyway,” the Doctor continued on, unruffled. “I just thought I’d check in on you to make sure you weren’t thinking of destroying any of my favorite planets. You know how much I like my planets. And kicking your arses. Which I _will_ do, if I must.“

He gave them a stern look, and they looked back expectantly.

"I musn’t, must I?”

“…..No.” huffed the Master.

“Ksssss….” hissed Prisoner Zero.

“NINES.” Demanded the Dalek, remembering their card game.

“Okay then,” smiled the Doctor, “See you later!“  And he left, as if there wasn’t a villain fort filled with a handful of his worst enemies. The group watched him go in silence.

Finally, the Master spoke.  "We should put his hand in warm water while he’s sleeping. That would _really_ show him.”


End file.
